


When We're Out of Here

by DeerWorks



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Guilt, Mike centric, Post-Canon, Slight Canon-Divergence, Survivor Guilt, daring duo - Freeform, not too much though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:20:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24245671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeerWorks/pseuds/DeerWorks
Summary: Mike tries to come to terms with the events of Blackwood and attempts to move forward with his life. But when he thinks he's found stability something disrupts the balance...
Relationships: Chris Hartley & Mike Munroe, Emily Davis & Mike Munroe, Sam Giddings/Mike Munroe
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	1. Feb. 2, 2015

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in like 10 minutes cause it's just something that came to me really quickly. (Edit: This was originally a one-shot but now it's not.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike and Sam while in the mines take a moment to catch their breath

_February 2nd, 2015, one hour until dawn_

“Ah shit,” Mike muttered. “I’m going into hibernation once we’re done.”

“Yeah,” Sam responded. “Mind if I join you?”

“Alright, I’ll get the berries and you find the cave?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Sam giggled. There was nothing to laugh about considering their situation, being stuck in these endless mines surrounded by monsters looking to tear their heads off but Mike’s sense of humour really helped with her morale.

“I mean we already got a cave right here,” she states.

“Yeah, sure,” he said. “You know there’s only the threat of freezing to death or being eaten by a Wendigo.”

They were by some freezing water about to enter but Sam’s arms ached and she was so damn tired. Mike could tell just looking at her and figured it wouldn’t hurt too much to have a short rest.

“Hey let’s sit down for a second, catch our breath.”

“Are you sure?” Sam asked.

“We’re not in a rush at the moment so might as well be energized ‘cause if we’re gonna need a run I’d prefer it be at full speed.”

Sam considered it, she didn’t want to but knew that with the state of her aching legs if she had to outrun another Wendigo she’d have no chance at all.  
  
“Alright quick break,” she relented. They moved over to one of the walls. It was wet and cold but they couldn’t care less.

They just sat there for a few seconds and it was one of the only moments of peacefulness Sam and Mike had had that night.

“You know it’s been a really long time since we hung out. Like just the two of us,” Sam said. Aside from the Washingtons she’d known Mike the longest. Since that first year of kindergarten it had been her, Josh, and Mike. They couldn’t even remember how they became friends or why they just were.

“Yeah,” Mike nodded. “Remember when Josh, Beth, and Hannah were with their dad in Florida filming and you and me had that sleepover? We stayed up all night watching Mr. Washington’s horror flicks.”

“Yeah that was a stupid idea we couldn’t sleep for weeks after that,” Sam smiled to herself, reminiscing about simpler times when she wasn’t fighting for her life on a freezing cold mountain. “Jesus, what happened to us?”

“I changed,” Mike responded. He certainly had and it hadn’t been hard to notice as they’d gotten older. It felt like Mike had his arm around a different girl every other month until about a year and a half ago when he seemed to settle on Emily for a while. And shit sometimes she wished she was one of those girls but she never worked up the nerve to speak up about it. Plus she didn’t figure that would be fair to Hannah.

Sam figured that they’d rested enough and gets to her feet but she feels Mike’s hand with his missing two fingers lightly grab hers.

“I’m sorry,” he pretty much whispers, not making eye contact.

“Sorry for what?” she asks. So far he hasn’t done anything to really piss her off too much beside almost shooting Em. But she’d already forgiven him for that, it was a tense situation and in the end he didn’t pull the trigger.

But he looks up and the look in his eyes looks like he’s crying but no tears leak from his eyes. “I’m sorry I got Hannah and Beth killed.”

“No, Mike don-”

“No Sam I need to get this off my chest in case I don’t make it out of this.”

Sam released her hand from his. “Don’t you mean if _we_ don’t make it out of this?”

“No,” he answered immediately. “If it comes down to you or me it’s gonna be me every single time.”

“Mike you don’t get to make that call.”

“Too late, I made it. No backsies.”

“Mike be serious!” she screamed.

Mike stumbled to his feet, walking towards her and cradling her face in both his hands. “Sammy, this is the most serious I’ve ever been. A year ago I fucked up and got Hannah and Beth killed and if I hadn’t done that maybe Josh would’ve stayed on his meds or maybe he would’ve reached out to us for help. I promise I’m not suicidal but if it comes down to you or me I won’t even have to think about it because I am saving you.”

She calmed, her eyes scanning his face and taking in every detail as if this would the last time she’d ever get a good look at it because hell it might be. Then she hugs him so tight that it would probably kill a small animal, like a cat or something. She wanted to kiss him but even then she just couldn’t bring herself to do it and she doesn’t know why she can’t just get over herself.

“Anything else you need to get off your chest?”

“Uh,” he said, like he was hesitating to say something else. She heard him swallow before saying his next words. “If I make it out of this… you wanna go out?”

She freezes and she completely stops breathing whatsoever. There’s no way those words actually came out of his mouth and there’s no way he said them so sheepishly.

“Like a date?” she asks because she needs that confirmation.

“No!” he says unconvincingly. “Well I mean… do you want it to be?”

She couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous this was. She’d seen him get dates in a matter of minutes and not for a second did he seem nervous and _she_ was the one who made him seem uncertain?

“Well I say we grab coffee and see where it goes.”

Mike’s face breaks out into the biggest smile she’d seen on him all night as she finally released him from her embrace. “Alright, how about we get out of this shithole, huh?”

“Sounds like a plan,” she answered, turning around to head into the water. She hoped that now he had a little more motivation to make it through the night.


	2. Feb. 6, 2015

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike has a chat with Emily

_February 6th, 2015, a few days after Blackwood Mountain_

He’d just been staring up at the ceiling for hours. It wasn’t an interesting ceiling in the slightest so he couldn’t tell why he was so fixated on it. It was actually one of the most basic ceilings he’d ever seen with the soft tiles you could easily pop out.

He could move easily but he barely even twitched. He just laid there and let his thoughts run rampant. Everything that happened that night, everything he did to keep everyone safe and all he could think about was the people he couldn’t save. One of those things, no, Hannah took Josh. Killed him. And he couldn’t save Jess. The police searched but never found her and that pretty much means she’s sitting in a Wendigo stomach.

Sure she was just a fling, nothing but a rebound from his explosive break up with Emily and she knew that but shit it still made him feel horrible. If he’d even been a little bit faster maybe she wouldn’t have fallen down that shaft.

Then his thoughts drifted to Emily and how he almost _fucking shot her._ In that moment everything rushed into his head. All he could think about was how this was all his fault and all he thought of were all the what ifs. 

_What if I just let Hannah down easy instead of being a piece of shit? Maybe Josh would be alive. Maybe Jess._ In that moment another _what if_ was added to the pile. _What if I don’t shoot her? She could kill everyone in this room and I’ll have nothing left, nobody. She’d kill Ash, Chris… Sam. What if I shoot her? If the bite doesn’t turn you then I just killed one of my best friends._

In the end he couldn’t do it. He doesn’t know if he wasn’t strong enough or if he knew it was wrong. What little remained of his relationship with Em had probably been tanked but the small smile of approval from Sam told him he did what was right.

All these thoughts crowded his mind then and they crowd his mind now. A guy like him has written a lot of wrongs, most in permanent marker, and not a lot of rights.

He probably couldn’t fix this, he knew that, but hell it would be even worse not to try.

Finally the boring ass ceiling leaves his view and he leaves the room. He wasn’t supposed to leave but if he can sneak around Wendigos then regular doctors and nurses who weren’t actively looking to tear his head off weren’t a problem.

It took some searching and a few close calls but he found Em’s room, he creaked the door open as quietly as possible and did the same when shutting it.

He relaxed his shoulders and took a breath hoping Em wouldn’t scream at him too loud. Before he could turn around he heard her voice behind him.

“Tell me why I shouldn’t yell for security right now,” she spoke, low and threatening.

“Em, I’m just here to talk then I’ll be out of your hair,” he replied. She didn’t look at him but didn’t yell at him to leave so he figured she’s gonna let him speak. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what? Almost shooting me in the fucking head?”

“...yeah,” he said because really he didn’t know what else to say to that. That is exactly what he almost did.

She laughed but that just made him flinch because it wasn’t Em’s _Mike you’re an idiot but a loveable idiot_ laugh but her _I’m gonna tear you apart with my words_ laugh.

“You’re shit at apologizing Michael.”

“I know but Em I-”

“No shut up Michael!” Her voice rose but she hadn’t yelled so the doctors probably didn’t hear. “Do you know how fucking terrified I was? You held my life in your hands all it took was a finger twitch and you would’ve killed me!”

“Em I would never do that.”

“Bullshit you almost did!” She said, her voice rising as she stood from her bed and started walking towards him.

“But I didn’t. And I never would. Look,” he said, rubbing his eyes to compose himself. He shouldn’t be mad at her; this isn’t her fault. “I’m not expecting you to forgive me. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

She stood there for a moment, not speaking but just studying his face as if looking for his tell that he was lying. She always knew and he never knew what gave him away. She seemed relatively satisfied with what she found but he knew she wouldn’t just hug him and say everything was all ok.

“Alright you said it,” she spoke. “Now get out.”

He nodded, turning and opening the door, honestly that was the best response he could’ve hoped for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started as a one shot but then this whole story formed in my head so I guess this'll be longer now. No scheduled updates it'll be random but I'll do my best to finish it.


	3. Mar. 2, 2015

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike and Sam grab that cup of coffee

_March 2nd, 2015, almost 1 month after Blackwood Mountain_

It took a while and all that time cooped up in that hospital room made him really impatient to get out. He’d had plenty of visitors and his parents got there as soon as they could. Chris, Ash, and even Matt made sure to stop by, no Emily though. Sam stopped by as much as she could. It was sort of awkward between the two of them. She’d been one of his best friends for so long and he’d always danced around asking her out out of fear that he could fuck up their friendship and hell he was sure it was completely destroyed after last year.

It’s a little embarrassing that it took a life or death situation for him to finally grow a pair and ask and even then he acted like it was the first time he’d asked a girl out before.

They danced around what happened on the mountain too, neither of them wanting to bring it up but right now it was all they could really think about.

But now he was finally getting out, he got to wear normal clothes again which was honestly overrated. Not wearing pants was kinda fun.

Sam was waiting for him in the lobby and she immediately ran to him, giving a crushing hug. 

“Jesus, you trying to put me back in here?” he laughed.

“Shut up,” she mumbled into his shoulder. As nice as this was he was thankful when she released him from her death grip. “So how’re you doing?”

“I’m.... doing just great,” he replied.

“Well then c’mon your parents are waiting outside.”

She started leading him to the front when someone called for him from behind.

“Mr. Munroe,” he heard, turning around to see one of the doctors with a wheelchair in front of him.

“Seriously?” he groaned. “I lost my fingers, not a leg.”

“Policy kid, nothing you can do about it.”

Mike relented, there wasn’t any point in fighting about it and he just wanted to get out of there. He sat down in the chair, placing his hands on the wheels but before he could roll them forward someone started pushing him forward towards the doors.

“I got you, just relax,” Sam spoke behind him.

Part of that statement made him feel she meant more than just the wheelchair but he didn’t say anything.

“This is kinda nice,” he stated.

“Don’t get used to it, we're almost out the door,” she responded.

“We should do this more often,” he joked.

“Uh-huh, I don’t think so cowboy

They approached the automatic doors and they split open, the light from the clear blue sky blinding Mike for a few seconds until his eyes properly adjusted.

He saw his mom and dad waiting on one of the benches outside. He was probably supposed to stay in his wheelchair but fuck it.

He ran to them and his mom was the first one the swoop in for a hug, of course.

“Oh it’s so good to see you out of that bed Michael,” she cooed.

“Well it’s good to be out mom,” he sighed. His dad was next to approach him, giving Mike a typical hug from him which was strong with his little pat the back.

“How’s it feel to be out kiddo?”

“It feels uh… weird, but good.”

His dad’s eyes drifted to Mike’s left hand, which he instinctively hid behind his back.

“You wanna maybe start looking at prosthetics?” He asked.

“Yeah maybe dad.”

“Alright, well be home before dinner. Eating whatever you want tonight, just text it to us.”

“Wait I’m not coming home now?”

“I told them it was okay but they sort of insisted on it,” Sam cut in behind him. “You did promise me a cup of coffee.”

“Ah,” Mike realized. “That I did.”

“We’ll see you tonight Michael,” his mom said as they made their way towards the car. “Remember to be a gentleman.”

“I know mom.”

He watched his parents enter the car and drive off until they were out of sight, then turned to the blonde standing waiting patiently behind him.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hey.”

“My car’s over here,” she stated, motioning behind her.

“Alright, I’m following you.”

Sam led him to her car which wasn’t parked too far from the where they were previously standing, Mike opened the door on the passenger side and got himself comfortable in the smooth leather seats.

“This a new car?”

“Nah it’s a rental but I’m looking.”

“Aw I like your old car; holds nice memories.”

“What, like you throwing up all over my backseat when you first got drunk?”

“What? I was just marking my territory.”

“Har har, well your _marking_ took months to get rid of.”

“That’s the point in marking.”

“Mm hmm,” she hummed. “Alright, let’s get outta here.”

The car's engine came to life as Sam backed out of the parking lot and onto the road.

“Hey, why’d you ask me out?” she asked.

“What, do you want me to take it back?”

“No, no it’s just… it just felt out of the blue and I’d been hoping for it for a while and just wanted to make sure you’re not regretting it.”

“Well I’d been thinking about it for a while and just figured that we were about to die so I might as well see if you would say yes.”

“Ah,” she smiled.

“So why’d you wanna do this today?”

“I don’t know. The last month has been really tough and I just needed a distraction, something fun and I figured you could use the same so I decided we should go on this date you promised me.”

“Oh well… thanks then.”

++++++++++++++++++

It’s crazy that he was actually enjoying himself. For a moment it felt like Blackwood mountain, the Wendigos, and the deaths of his friends was all just a distant dream.

“Wait, it did what?” Sam laughed, taking another sip of her coffee.

“Yeah little my cousin brought her bunny over, I had the little guy on my bed and as I was petting him he was shitting all over my bed.”

“Jesus, I don’t think you ever told me that story.”

“Yeah well it happened this year,” Mike laughed to himself. Then his mind decided it wanted to ruin one of the only happy moments he’d had since Blackwood and force him to remember Josh, Beth, Jess, and Hannah.

Sam saw his mood dampen, tilting her head. “Mike?” she said, but to no response. “Mike,” she tried once more, still to no response. She grabbed his hand this time. “Mike,” she uttered softly. That seemed to bring him back down to earth. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I’m really happy right now,” he stated, which only confused her as to why seemed like he was the complete opposite. “But it doesn’t feel right, it feels like I shouldn’t be I mean… I’m a fucked up person and Hannah, Beth, Josh, Jess they were all better people than me and yet… here I am, all happy and shit, sitting across from you in a coffee shop like-” he stuttered, shaking his head. “How is that fair.”

“Mike,” she sighed, squeezing his hand. “You didn’t kill anyone okay? The Wendigos did that it is not your fault. If it didn’t get Hannah and Beth that night then it would’ve gotten them some other time and who knows maybe we’d all be dead.” She lamented. “You’re a good person Mike. You’ve made mistakes but you’re a good person who wouldn’t kill anyone, I know that.”

Mike took a deep breath, in through his nose and out through his mouth.

_She’s right, I know she’s right. She’s always right._

“Thanks, I think I needed that.”

“Of course. I’ll be your personal therapist and I promise you won’t go broke from minute long sessions.”

Mike gave her a small smile. “Shit, I think I killed the good mood.”

“It’s fine I was expecting it to be killed sooner than that.”

“You wanna finish our coffee and get outta here? I think there’s one more place I wanna stop at.”

++++++++++++++++++

“Been a while since we came here huh? Well at least together.”

“Yeah, real long time,” Mike murmured. Part of him regretted coming to the pond. Too many memories with the Washingtons but Sam seemed like she was happy to be here and that’s all the motivation he needed.

She was stopped by the edge of the pond, sitting in the snow with her hands placed flat on the ground behind her. Mike sat down beside her to look at the water. It was calm, the water was still with only small ripples moving towards the shore. It was calm as opposed to the chaos in his head.

“I missed this place,” she sighed beside him.

“Yeah,” he responded, turning his head a bit to look at her. “Me too.”

They sat there in silence, it was comfortable and a small smile crept onto his face but he quickly got rid of it.

“Hey,” he said, breaking the silence. “Do you ever wonder… like with different choices… where we could’ve ended up?”

She was silent for a moment but he could see she was thinking of her answer. “Sometimes,” she opted for. “Part of me thought of just running for the switch in the lodge and hoping the rest of you would just follow me out but I couldn’t risk it.”

He nods, that definitely might’ve killed him and he was grateful Sam chose to save him. It was a question he often contemplated in his head when he was alone in his hospital room. If he made a different choice that fateful night with Hannah, whether or not she would’ve lived. Or if the Wendigos would’ve found them anyways. His conversation with Sam in the coffee shop helped with those thoughts but they couldn’t just be extinguished just like that.

He looked back up at Sam and he can tell that she knows what he’s thinking. “We can’t change the past, what happened is beyond our control. But we can make the right choices from here on out.”

He smiled, moving his hand to place it over hers.

“Sounds good to me.”


	4. Apr. 10, 2015

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike gets a call from a friend he hasn't seen in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking inspiration from Nate and Elena 'cause that's pretty much what these two are.

_April 10, 2015, 2 months and 8 days after Blackwood Mountain_

_Run, I gotta run._

_Where the hell am I._

Pine trees everywhere, it was dark, night time. Green grass.

His footsteps, and something else's behind him.

_There’s a cable car._

He’s running to it, he’s gonna make it.

But something’s in front of him, screaming and bearing its claws.

He looks down at his hand, one holds a shotgun, another a flamethrower. He uses the latter weapon and ignites the flames. But something emerges from them, transparent and flying, straight for him.

But before it gets to him Mike wakes up, shooting up into a sitting position and breathing heavily.

_That didn’t happen, I’m here and not there. I’m alive._

He grabbed his phone off the side table to check the time, 9:38 AM. He also spotted one new message from Sam.

_Sammy: Going on a morning jog and prob gonna pass by ur house. Text back if u wanna come :)_

_Mike: Yea imma jus grab sum breakfast then I’ll meet u out on my porch_

_Sammy: Kk c u soon_

Mike turned his phone off and headed downstairs where he could already smell some bacon being made by his dad.

“Any of that for me?” he asked.

“Yeah, I was about to come get you.” His dad answered. “Grab a plate.”

Mike took some bacon and toasted some waffles, he didn’t want to stuff himself.

“How’s your therapy been going?” his dad asked, as he sat at the table.

“It’s been uh…” Mike paused, pulling out a chair and placing his plate down. “Unproductive.”

It’s been impossible to be honest with them. Nobody believes them anyways and his therapists would probably diagnose him as insane.

“Yeah well, at least you’ve got somebody to talk to.”

“Sure,” Mike responded, stuffing some bacon in his mouth. Talking to Sam came so much easier than the doctors and honestly he thinks she could be an actual therapist if she ever considered it. She tried to be strong but she’d had her fair share of breakdowns over the past few months and he’d never really been that great at handling those situations so he did what came naturally which was holding her close.

He wasn’t great at the whole comfort thing, he’d never dated someone he cared so much about; the closest being Em. And now being faced with having to hold her together whenever she fell apart was truly alien and he didn’t know how to handle it. In all honesty he figured he was doing a piss poor job but she seemed calmed after he’d done his best to comfort her. Maybe he anchored her the way she did him and the thought made him smile.

“What’s got you so happy kid?” His dad asked, giving him a shit eating grin.

“Nothing dad.”

“Is it a certain blonde?”

“Fuck off dad,” Mike laughed.

“Hey watch your fucking language kiddo,” his dad joked back. His dad always had a potty mouth and didn’t get pissy when he swore in front of him, provided it wasn’t in front of his grandma or something.

“Anything going on at the station?”

“Yeah actually I got some news you might appreciate.”

“Alright I’m listening,” Mike responded. All the news they’d received about the Blackwood case had been disappointing. They’d found nothing on the mountain but Mike knew that was because they’d refused to enter the mines due to the dangers of a possible collapse. Also most of the time the investigation only took place during the day so they wouldn’t run into any Wendigos.

“They’re gonna take a look in the mines you kids were so adamant about.”

“Wait really?”

“Yeah after not being able to find the twins last year they figured it might be best to be more thorough this time.”

“Well shit it took them long enough,” Mike exclaimed.

A knock at the door sounded and Mike knew who was there. He pushed his chair out, the wooden legs scraping along the floor and made his way to open the door.

He opened it to see Sam with her hair tied back the way it always was with a red tank top on and jogging pants.

++++++++++++++++++

They’d jogged maybe close to 3 km before it was time for their first break. They’d found a nearby park bench to sit down and catch their breath before running again. He’d gotten so caught up in it that he’d completely forgotten what he’d wanted to tell Sam before.

“Oh shit, hey I just remembered,” he breathed.

“What?”

“Dad said they’re sending some people up to the mines,” he smiled. “They’re finally listening.”

“How are you just remembering that?!”

“Uh…” he answered. _Yeah pretty stupid to forget something like that._ “You were on my mind?”

“Yeah, very cute but not gonna work,” she said, crossing her arms but he could tell she wasn’t really pissed off. The cops actually heeding their advice outweighed those feelings. “You know how many people they’re sending down there?”

“No idea.”

“Well I hope it's enough.”

“Hey if a couple of kids who had no idea what the fuck they were doing survived I’m sure trained cops will manage just fine.”

Sam nodded but she didn’t seem that optimistic. Honestly Mike wasn’t either but this was the first time in months that the cops were listening to them and they’d take what they could get.

“Alright,” Mike grunted as he lifted himself to his feet. “Let’s finish up then maybe we could head back and turn on a movie.”

++++++++++++++++++

Mike and Sam came back to the house, Sam heading to the couch and grabbing the remote while he plugged his phone in on the kitchen counter.

“So what’re we watching?” Sam asked, scrolling through Netflix looking for something that seemed interesting. They were huddled together on the couch using the same blanket.

“I don’t know… did you see that John Wick movie? It came out last year.”

“No why would I watch that?”

“It’s fun and you wanted to watch something mindless.”

“Not that mindless.”

“It’s the peak of cinema. Guns and shit.”

“Oh well then of course you like it.”

“Just try it,” Mike insisted. “You’re hurting my feelings.”

“Oh poor you,” she teased. “But fine I’ll watch your movie.”  
  


Mike pressed play and after 20 minutes Sam seemed like she was actually pretty into it. He was enjoying it since he hadn’t seen the movie since it was in the theatres but it was interrupted by his phone ringing.

He decided to leave it, choosing to think it was probably just a wrong number. After it rang out it was silent for a few seconds before his phone started ringing.

“Mike,” Sam whispered, turning to whisper directly into his ear. “Would you be a doll and… answer your fucking phone.”

“Yeesh, when did you get so bossy,” he smiled.

“When your phone started interrupting a good movie.”  
  
“Oh so it’s good now?”

“Answer the phone!” she yelled as he went around the corner.

He checked the contact and his face fell.

_Chris Hartley_

But he picked it up anyway.

_“Hey Mike! Shit man took you a while to pick up.”_

“Yeah I’m kinda busy at the moment,” he answered, looking back at Sam on the couch. He just wanted to head back right then. “So what’s going on man?”

_“Uh… shit what was I gonna say?”_ Chris mumbled to himself on the other end of the line. _“Oh right! Matt just turned 19. Bye bye fake ID! We were gonna head down to a bar to celebrate tomorrow night if you’re down to join.”_

_Shit,_ he thought to himself. _How could I forget Matt’s birthday._

“I don’t know man. I’ll think about it.”

_“Oh, uh, yeah sure, no problem.”_ Chris said. _“You know just sleep on it and get back to me.”_

“Alright, you got it,” Mike sighed.

_“Well see you around Mikey.”_

“Yeah you too Chris.”

He placed the phone back down on the counter and made his way back to the couch. He was hoping to just forget about Chris’ phone call and keep watching the movie. But of course Sam wouldn’t allow that.

“Who was it?” she asked.

He could’ve easily lied but lying didn’t come as easily as it did with other people when it came to Sam. “Chris.”

“Oh… well what did he want?”

“Matt’s just turned nineteen, they wanna go and grab some drinks.”

“Are you going?” she asked. It wasn’t really a question, she knew the answer.

“I don’t think so.”

“Why?”

“Because,” he mumbled, staring off into space as Sam paused the movie. “Heading down to a bar with the guys, without Josh just feels wrong.”

“But Mike you haven’t seen them in three months,” she replied. “It might be good for you to catch up with them.”

A line appeared between Mike’s eyebrows, his mouth twitching slightly as he thought about it. “I don’t know.”

“Could you at least try, please? I’ve been checking in with the others as much as I can and it's been good for me. And they really miss you.”

That’s one of the things he’d worried about. He knew Emily hated him and he didn’t know what the others thought about Mike almost cracking, being just a second away from blowing Emily’s brains out. Even still he wasn’t sure about this.

“Look, you don’t have to stay the entire time but could you just try? For me?” She insisted.

“Okay,” he mumbled. “Okay, okay, I’ll go for you… and ‘cause Matt needs his birthday beats.”

++++++++++++++++++

He saw them through the window of the bar, waiting at a table. It’s been three months since he’s seen them but it’s felt like three years.

Mike put on his best smile. It was Matt’s birthday so he was gonna be the Mike everyone knew and loved.

Mike walked up to the table and patted Chris on the back to let them know he was there. “How’re you doing you little shits?”

“Michael, good to see you again,” Matt exclaimed, giving him a rare hug.

_Good to see him again? Since when?_

“Uh, this is weird.”

“Yeah,” Matt agreed. “Let’s not do that again.”

Mike laughed and patted Matt on the shoulder. “Feel any bigger?”

“Nah. Just not nervous about asking the bartender for drinks anymore,” Matt replied.

“Yeah, you’re a big boy now. No more booster seats for you buddy,” Chris chuckled.

“Oh fuck off Hartley.”

Mike’s fake smile turned a little more real now. Maybe Sam was right, maybe going out with the guys would make him feel better.

“Here Mikey, got you your favourite,” Chris said, a bottle of beer across the table.

“Perfect,” Mike sighed. A little alcohol in the system might loosen him up a bit. He hadn’t had a beer for months and it felt nice to feel that familiar cool liquid. “So, anything new going on? How’s it going with Ash?”

“Uh, we’re doing alright,” Chris answered. “You know things have been a little rough but I think we’re managing.”

“Glad to hear that,” Mike grinned. He’d been pretty happy all that pining finally paid off for Chris and Ash. Everyone thought they were gonna make it to their death beds before either of them said anything.

Then he looked at Matt and got a little sheepish. “How’s uh, Em doing?”

“Still hates you. Really didn’t want me to invite you tonight but we’re doing surprisingly great.”

“Shit, yeah that’s surprising.”

“Oh, thanks pal.”

“So why did you invite me?” Mike asked. They’d never been great friends. They’d never had much in the way of conversation, or at least peaceful conversation.

“Honestly, with all the shit that happened that night. I think we can just put all that shit behind us.”

Mike didn’t respond, just smiled and raised his beer in the air.

“Alright well if you're done sucking each other's dicks what do you say we actually get things started?” Chris exclaimed.

“Get things started?” Matt asked.

“C’mon let’s see who can break their records!”

“No point man,” Mike stated. “Nobody’s ever gonna beat Josh’s… record.”

The table got rather silent and Mike looked down.

_Course I fucked it up. Of fucking course._

“I- I’m sorry guys I’m just gonna…” Mike stammered, getting up from his chair and heading for the door. He’d only just exited before Chris caught up to him.

“Mike! The fuck’s going on with you?” Chris asked. “It’s like you’re a completely different person now.”

“I just… I don’t know if I should’ve come tonight man, I mean I’m probably ruining tonight.”

“Dude no you’re not, look. I don’t know what happened to our good old little asshole Michael Munroe but we were on the same mountain that night. We went through the same shit, we understand.”

“Look I appreciate the sentiment,” Mike mumbled. “But seriously I think I should just head home.”

“C’mon man, now leaving THAT would ruin the night,” Chris argued. “Just have a few more drinks, you don’t have to stay for too long.”

Mike took a deep breath. He wanted to just go home, maybe call Sam once before drifting off to sleep. But against his better judgement elected to stay. “A few more drinks then.”

++++++++++++++++++

Mike ended up staying for more than just a few drinks and actually stayed the whole night.

He enjoyed himself after the awkwardness dissipated when he’d returned from outside the bar with Chris. He hadn’t had enough to get drunk but it definitely helped him loosen up a bit. Still he figured he shouldn’t drive home that night.

"Shit, I forgot to ask," Matt spoke through a laugh after Chris told him some stupid story Mike wasn't entirely paying attention to. "Mike, why'd you ask Sam out?"

"Uh, what do you mean?"

"I mean like... Jess had just died man. How'd you move on just like that?"

"I didn't," Mike defended immediately. "You know I'd wanted to ask for a long time, since we were little kids. We all thought we were gonna die and I just needed to know if she would've said yes."

There was a pause, Chris felt awkward and took a large sip from his bottle and Matt sat there, slowly nodding his head as if wondering whether to accept that answer of not. "Yeah, I can understand that," he finally answered.

“Bars closing soon boys,” a waitress stated as she passed by the table.

“Guess we should finish up our last bottles,” Matt sighed, lifting his beer to his lips.

“Hey hold on,” Chris exclaimed, holding up his bottle in the centre. “Cheers. To Matt, and uh…”

“To Josh,” Mike continued for Chris. “He might’ve been one fucked up son of a bitch.”

“But he was our fucked up son of a bitch,” Matt finished.

_Clink._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case people are confused about legal drinking age in Canada the legal age is 19 (18 if you're a G and live in Quebec)


	5. Sep. 15, 2014

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before the fateful night at Blackwood, the aftermath of Mike and Em's explosive breakup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think I might be starting to find my footing with this chapter (or maybe I'm wrong and it's all bad lol.) I have a better idea of where it's all gonna go and how its gonna end.

_ September 15, 2014, 4 months and 18 days before Blackwood Mountain _

Coming here was a bad idea. All it was doing was proving Em’s point but he couldn’t go anywhere else. Well that’s not true, there were plenty of places he could go and plenty of people he could vent to. It wasn’t that he couldn’t but rather he didn’t want to.

He didn’t want to talk to anyone else about this because he didn’t value anybody’s opinion. To an outsider looking in it would seem there were plenty of options for people he could talk to but to him there was only one.

He raised his fist to the door, hesitating only for a moment before lightly pounding on it three times.

He heard muffled talking on the other side of the door and immediately figured he should leave. He didn’t want to intrude on whatever company she had over. But she opened the door and he inwardly sighed with relief that she was just on the phone.

“Oh, uh, Josh I gotta go but I’ll be there tomorrow,” she said into the phone. “Alright, bye.”

“Is he doing alright?” he figured he should ask. He’d only seen Josh a handful of times since february but for the most part stayed away from him, mainly out of guilt.

“Okay I guess, I’m taking him to the cemetery tomorrow,” she sighed. “You should come with us.”

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it.”

“Okay,” she responded, sounding disappointed. “You wanna come in.”

“Sure.”

Mike entered her student apartment. He knew she had a roommate but never really got to know her that well. He’d just seen her on occasion.

“You want something to drink?”

“Nah I’m alright.”

“So what’s up?” she asked softly, falling onto the couch and patting the spot next to her. “Trouble in paradise?”

“Yeah, well the trouble is,” Mike started, taking her invitation and taking up the empty space on the couch. “There is no paradise anymore.”

“Wait, do you mean-”

“Yeah,” Mike answered before she could finish her question. “Me and Em are done.”

“Oh…” she said softly. It was probably just his mind tricking him, trying to make him feel better during this shit point in his life. But he feels as if he just saw the beginnings of a smile on Sam’s face appear before disappearing just as quickly, as if she was relieved. “I’m so sorry.”

Mike just nodded. Most girls he dated didn’t mean much to him, in fact a few were him trying to push down the feelings he’d had for Sam, his best friend. And when he’d met Em he thought that maybe he could forget about Sam and not think about her like that. Finally see somebody else in that way. But of course it didn’t pan out that way.

“We’ve been walking on a thin ass line for a while now, me and Em. It was bound to snap at some point.”

“Do you wanna talk about what happened?” she asked quietly, her voice was so soothing to him that he could probably lull him to sleep even after chugging two Red Bulls.

“Well we were pretty loud about it,” he answered. “She’s been accusing me of being into… this girl… for some time and tonight I, uh, told her she was right.” Talking about this, walking the line of finally telling her how he felt was making him crazy nervous, making his leg bounce up and down, which was fucking ridiculous because when has he ever been nervous about anything. She’s the only one who could do this to him.

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah, thought I wasn’t too obvious but as she always loved to shove in our faces. ‘ _ 4.0 bitch,’ _ ” he continued, imitating her voice at the end. “‘Course she’d be able to tell.”

“I hope I’m not crossing a line here but I think I know who you’re talking about.”

The bouncing of his leg stopped and he didn’t even give her a side glance. Was he too obvious again? Could she tell who it was now? That he’d been talking about her?

“Uh… okay, who?”

“Is she blonde?”

“...yeah.”  _ Holy fucking shit this isn’t good. _

“Jessica.”

_ No.  _ “Yeah.”  _ What the fuck Mike? _

“I think she’s into you too.”

_ Fix this shit you fucking idiot. _

“What do you think I should do?”

“I guess… follow your gut, or heart, whatever.”

_ My heart wants to go to you, but my brain’s got it on a leash. _

“We’ll see, it’s gonna take a bit for me to recover from this one.”

“Um, well, hey,” she said. “How about you stay the night, take the couch. We can watch a movie together like we used to.”

“Uh, sure.”

Sam grabbed a bowl of chips and took up a spot on the opposite end of the couch. It pained sitting there next to her, knowing how he felt and not being able to tell her. He could have any girl he wanted but the only one he truly wanted he was too scared to tell. So he’d just suffer in silence. It would probably take a life or death situation to get him to finally grow a pair.


	6. Dec. 19, 2014

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas break before the group went back to Blackwood Mountain. Mike sees Josh again.

_December 19, 2014, 1 month and 11 days before Blackwood Mountain_

It was the first time he’d seen Josh in a while.

He looked alright, he had that same usual smile but the life had really left his eyes. Any happiness that was once there was completely gone and all Mike could think of was that it was his fault.

Sam drove him to the local restaurant, Mick’s. It was one of those old diners that had those leather seats which all had holes in them. Sam and him used to always come here with Josh and his sisters. They figured it wasn’t a good idea to eat there and dredge up old memories for Josh, it was bad enough for them and he could barely imagine what Josh was going through. Even still Josh was the one who insisted on eating there and who was he to say no.

“So… you feelin’ alright?” Mike asked, Josh was sitting across in one of the booths while him and Sam sat on the other side.

“Oh, yeah, totally man. Y’know it’s been rough but I’ve powered through.”

“Good,” Mike said, giving him a friendly smile. “How’re your parents?”

“Uh... “ Josh paused, looking down to take a deep breath before bringing his attention back to Mike. “They’ve sort of just shut down. They just wanna pretend everything’s okay and think not talking about it is gonna make it go away.”

“Hey, y’know we can talk anytime buddy. I’m sorry I’ve been a really shitty friend this past year but I’m still your bud. I’m here for you.”

Josh’s eyes met his and he couldn’t place the emotion there. He could read everyone else so easily and most of the time it just took looking into their eyes. He knew when Em was lying to him for the hundredth time, he could see Chris and Ash making googly eyes at each other from across the room but he could never really get a read on what Josh was thinking. He was always really complex.

“Thanks man, means a lot,” he said. “I mean, I do think about them often. Sometimes I even forget they’re gone and walk into Beth or Hannah’s room to ask em somethin’ but… well you know.”

“It’s great seeing you again,” Sam said happily. “I haven’t seen you in three months.”

“I’ve been busy,” Josh grinned.

“Doing what?”

“Just a little project I’ve been working on. Getting our weekend getaway set up y’know.”

There was something strange about the way Josh said that, even Sam seemed to think that, her eyebrows creasing together as she studied his face. But neither of them commented on this feeling of discomfort

“How’re your fries?” Sam asked, changing the subject.

“Great,” Josh smiled. “Still as good as I remember.”

+++++++++++++++++

Josh’s uber came to get him after, he gave a parting hug to Sam and a handshake to Mike. He wished there was more he could do for him but there wasn’t anything he could think of. Him and Sam walked back to where home together, they’d always lived pretty close. There was a ton of snow as Christmas was in the air, the streets were decorated and there were huge Christmas trees in shop windows. A little voice in the back of his head was telling him to ask her out now, he’s been waiting so long to but he just couldn’t do it. He hadn’t moved in on Jess even though Sam was teasing him about it constantly and that just added a little salt to the wound.

As they walked down the city street Mike noticed the same exact homeless man who was there in the same spot every time they took this route home; and as usual Sam found as much money as she could spare and dumped it into his cup.

He usually left it alone but not today. “Why do you always give that guy money?” Mike asked once he was sure they were out of earshot.

“Because I have enough and he doesn’t.”

“He’s probably just gonna spend it on drugs.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Trust me that’s how most people get on the streets.”

“Alright Mike stop,” Sam commanded, and he stopped both verbally and physically. “What’s wrong with you? You’ve been a cynic as long as I’ve known you and I’ve never understood why.”

“I just know how the world works Sam. How do you think I get by so well with just my words? I know _people_ and I know what they want.”

“And what about me?” she asked, moving closer so he could see her face more closely. “Am I so easy to read?”

The truth was that she wasn’t. She was always different from most of the girls he knew. She was never just unafraid of getting her hands dirty but rather she enjoyed it. She was always kind and caring, always putting others before herself. She barely dated if at all which always confused him because she was the most beautiful girl he’d ever known.

“You’ve been an enigma since the day I met you,” Mike spoke quietly.

If he didn’t know any better he’d swear he saw her blush. She stroked a finger through her hair, tucking it back behind her ear.

“Maybe take a gamble someday Mike,” she said. “Believe the world isn’t so black and white and do something for someone other than yourself.”

They walked the rest of the way in silence, her words echoing in his head the entirety of the trip.

He shook it off, that wasn’t how it worked.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

Boxing day rolled around and Mike was out to grab some shoes with his Christmas money. He’d had his eyes on a pair of 4’s for a while.

He walked the same path into the city and saw the spot the old man usually sat except he wasn’t there today. Mike didn’t think much of it, he can’t stay in one spot all day every day. Mike kept walking but then he saw him, coming out of a nearby Pizza Pizza with a slice.

Again Mike didn’t think much of it, the guy's gotta eat. But then he saw him approach another man, one with a dog. This guy’s clothes were ripped and dirty, his shoes had holes as well with the right one having his big toe sticking out. Someone else without a home.

The old man handed the slice of pizza to him, the two exchanged words, probably thanks. Then the guy continued on his way and the man returned to his spot on the street.

Mike walked past him, wad of cash stuffed in his back pocket. But he only made it a few steps before stopping right in his tracks.

He sat there and thought back on Sam’s words.

He did a 180, walked towards him and handed him all three hundred dollars in his pocket.

“Here,” he said.

“Oh my,” the man said. “That’s far too much.”

“Actually it’s not enough,” Mike insisted, placing the cash into his cup. “Hope that’s enough for a meal. You should get somewhere warm, it’s gonna be a cold night.”

“Why,” the man breathed, seemingly getting a little teary eyed. “Thank you. There isn’t enough kindness in the world.”

“Take care sir,” Mike smiled, turning to walk back home.

“You too young man, you too!” The man yelled after him.

_There isn’t enough kindness in the world,_ the man had said. 

_Wish I knew a thing or two about kindness._

  
  



End file.
